Don’t Drive Behavior Change; Enable It

You’re about to meet with a colleague who is underperforming. Maybe failing to meet commitments. Or speaking to teammates in a counterproductive way. Or delivering poor quality. It’s been going on for a while.

It’s normal to think: “How do I get them to change their behavior?” Whether you are their manager or not, you probably have some desire for their behavior to change. When you do, it’s normal to come up with solutions (“if only they would do this”), and then to start thinking it’s futile (“well, if they haven’t changed yet, why would they change now?”) or painfully confrontational (“they’re going to be so upset when I say this to them!”). 

There is plenty out there about techniques for handling such moments (e.g., non-violent communication, crucial conversations, etc.), but a good start is a simple shift in mindset:

Instead of asking “How do I get them to change their behavior?”, ask “What do I need to do to enable them to change their behavior?” Slight change in words, big difference:

• Autonomy – In the “get them to” framing, you are trying to control their behavior. With “enable them to”, you are giving them what they need so that they can control their own behavior. This puts them in the driver’s seat.
• Ownership – Because “get them to” makes you take on the project of changing them, you also take on the stress of that responsibility. The “enable them to” approach keeps the ownership of behavior where it belongs: with them. You can let go of that stress and keep your focus on supporting them.
• Clarity – The “get them to” stance is likely to focus on specific desired behaviors, taking focus away from the impacts of those behaviors that are the underlying reasons a change is necessary in the first place. Part of “enable them to” is giving them clarity on these impacts so they know what problem they are trying to solve.
• Co-Creation – When you approach the conversation with a “get them to” mindset, you are likely to be the only one proposing ideas. This limits creativity and can feel like an attack. Because your focus is on giving them what they need in order to change, the “enable them to” mindset makes room for them to be part of creating a solution, even if you contribute some ideas.

So how do you go about enabling them to change behavior?

• Share Impact of Current Behavior – Just bringing the impact to their attention might lead them to change. Be careful to share this in non-judgmental, objective terms. It’s not a weapon to beat them with, but data to provide them in service to what is important to them. If someone is perpetually late, attacking them for it won’t get you far; but if you can help them see that they are having a negative effect on the team members that they care about, they might choose to change on their own. Instead of “You need to be on time because the team is sick of you being late”, you could say, “When anyone is late, it disrupts the conversation for the whole team and weakens our quality of communication. Do you agree that is a problem?”
• Clarify What is Expected of Them – The hottest conflicts I’ve worked on recently involved mismatched expectations: one person works diligently toward a goal, while another person expects them to go somewhere else. In its worst forms it gets nasty for a number of reasons: the person doing the work is hurt when their pride in accomplishment turns into being blamed for failure; the person asking for the work doesn’t get what they asked for; and trust between them is degraded for future interactions. Taking time to be extra clear up front is always valuable; but if you are already in a “behavior needs to change” moment, it’s even more critical that the person understand what is expected of them.
• Be a Sounding Board for Solutions – Invite them to share their ideas on next steps. Brainstorm together to help them shape those ideas into concrete actions. By doing this–instead of handing them a solution–you reinforce the idea that the problem is ultimately theirs to solve.
• Help Them Where They Are Unskilled – Sometimes, the person simply doesn’t know how to do what you are asking them. They’re not broken or incompetent; they just need to learn. Assuming that they have shown the will to change, offer (don’t force it!) to help them learn. Start with smaller opportunities to practice in lower stakes, less complicated settings. This naturally increases the frequency of check-ins without you hovering. Then gradually ramp up, removing yourself more and more until they are able to do it on their own.
• Generally Give Them the Support They Need – Not sure what they need? Ask them! For example, if they’ve said they want to change and maybe identified some next steps, ask, “Is there anything I can do to support you in making this change?”
• Stand in Their Shoes – To spark other ideas of how to help them, think back to a time you changed your behavior. What made it possible? Think internally and externally. Think in terms of forces, information, and resources.

Changing the other person’s behavior is not your job; it’s theirs. Whether you are their manager or not, you will likely help them get to a much better place if you let them take responsibility while you play a supporting role.

Reclaiming “Agile Coach”

In the 12-13 years since I first heard the term “Agile Coach”, it has evolved a bunch. Like any title, its details have varied, but as a relatively new role, the variation has been particularly great in stance (coach, mentor, facilitator, trainer, change agent, practitioner, etc.) and scope (individual, team, organization, product, engineering, etc.) Newer, more specialized role definitions have emerged, but none seems to have fully stuck.

There has also been a lot of anger vented at agile coaches. Some has been focused on accusations of profiteering by consultants. Some seems like collateral damage due to hatred of agile practices themselves. Still other criticism is more subtle, disparaging agile coaches as just delivery coaches who can’t connect their work to anything outside team-level execution. And sure, some agile coaches are terrible, just like some of the electricians I’ve hired have been terrible. But then again, I don’t go around saying “electricians are useless”. 

Regardless of the specific criticisms, though, what has always struck me is how few of the critics seem to actually understand the role. The most striking example I can think of was a well-known thought leader from whom I’ve gained many insights saying (to my face, no less!), “I don’t know what an agile coach is, but I think they should be expunged.” The juxtaposition of confessed ignorance and hateful language was quite stunning!

Alongside these other trends and currents, it seems that the role is now much less popular, with fewer open postings for the role than I remember in the past. Perhaps the best illustration of this: as I write this, I am unemployed, laid off by the company that arguably did more than any other to popularize the term “Agile Coach”, and which has now removed the function entirely.

Thinking about all this, as I celebrate my tenth anniversary of working as an agile coach, I want to take the term back. I want to shift the conversation from the negative to the positive. Rather than wasting our time focused on what’s wrong with some agile coaches, wouldn’t it be better to contribute to a discussion of the ideal that agile coaches should be striving for? To that end, this is the definition that I have lived by, and that I’ve seen other world-class agile coaches embody:

As an agile coach, I help people and groups build the capacity they need in order to achieve their desired impacts, while rooted in the values and principles expressed by the Agile Manifesto.

Breaking this down:

• I help people and groups…
  The techniques I use and their intended targets range in focus from individuals and teams up to entire companies. My clients have included entry-level developers, product managers, engineering managers, and senior leaders up to the CEO. This is primarily in software development, but I have also worked with groups in legal, sales, design, and political organizing.
  
• …build the capacity they need…
  Clients come to me because they are stuck trying to achieve something. Rather than simply helping them overcome the challenge, I find ways to help them while also developing their muscles so they can better handle the challenge on their own in the future.
  
• …in order to achieve their desired impacts…
  This seems obvious, but it is worth stressing, given how frequently people fall into the trap of doing stuff without actually making progress toward the reason they were doing that stuff in the first place.
  
• …while rooted in the values and principles expressed by the Agile Manifesto.
  The key point is that the “Agile” in “Agile Coach” doesn’t primarily describe what I coach my clients to do; it describes the foundational beliefs that shape how I coach them. Specifically, it means that I stay connected to the basic truths about humans working together in unpredictable environments that are reflected in the Agile Manifesto.

This definition doesn’t limit me to teaching Scrum, or helping teams navigate conflict, or facilitating cross-functional design workshops, or coaching product managers on developing strategy, or helping leaders design organizations to meet their needs, or working to shape cultural forces that connect it all. Neither does it say I will do all of these at any given time. Rather, it orients my energy toward the bottom line: what the client is really trying to accomplish and how they need to grow in order to get there, without losing my grip on what my experience of helping people develop products has shown me to be true.

It’s been deeply fulfilling work, and I hope that I have the privilege of doing it again. I’m curious to see where things will stand in another ten years.